An apology to the Billionaires for my irresponsible comments

An apology to the Billionaires for my irresponsible comments  

I have been subject to tremendous criticism from all sides over the last week for my recent comments concerning billionaires, and specifically concerning the man who put the “bill” in “billionaire,” none other than the “workingman’s hero” Bill Gates, the inventor of just about everything he can get his hands on.

Let me first say, unambiguously, that when I suggested that we should hunt down the billionaires on their private islands, in their space-age bunkers, that I was just joking, just making a few glib remarks for close friends.

You can’t possibly believe I was serious. I mean who would listen to a poor little guy with no assets, no cash, and no job? I mean, by billionaire’s standards, I don’t even exist, I am but a useless eater.

And we all know that the politicians, the bureaucrats, the military, the police, the employees of the corporations who run the world, they would never listen to a worthless figure like me. Why all of them already know that they are to follow the orders passed down from billionaires, not scraps of paper like the constitution.

And let me tell you that some of my best friends are billionaires. Why we are practically on a first-name basis.

I have the ultimate respect for billionaires who have, through their wisdom and their benevolence, through their commitment to the future of mankind--using charitable organizations like the World Economic Forum, have transformed our world into a dream.

It is those billionaires, those entrepreneurs and innovators, those visionaries, those philanthropists and “creative destroyers” who worry, day and night, about how the common man is doing. Why they have practically planned out everything for the common man, the common women, far into the future.

They are truly geniuses. How could they amass billions, even hundreds of billions, of dollars when I can barely pay my rent?

I need to learn from them. We must all become like the billionaires, especially my favorite, the avuncular Warren Buffett, a humble man who lives in a humble home, who advocates that the rich should pay more taxes, even as he himself pays less than other billionaires. What a genius! What an angel!

I guess I did not know how sensitive billionaires are. I really did not mean to hurt their little feelings.

As a holy man of the ancient world once remarked, “why so serious?” Or the Chinese philosopher Laozi once commented, “my turn” –or was it “ideas are bulletproof.”

My heart goes out to them, those billionaires. I can imagine what is must be like to be trapped in a Fantasy Island compound of your own design. Why a palace like that, surrounded by guards, AI directed drones, can start to feel a bit like a prison at times.

I extend to all billionaires a warm greeting and a sincere offer to meet in person so we can discuss how we can build a better world together.

After all, with all those excess people on the Earth, we had better start planning quickly. We would not want people to figure what is going on before the armed drones and robots are in place, the 5G towers are up, the low orbit military satellites are deployed, the farm land is controlled, and the digital currencies and basic incomes are accepted.

Maybe my kind words might soften their hearts, might inspire them to consider taking me along to the island where the next stage of this game is being planned.

I assure you, dear billionaires, I would not turn down the opportunity if it cost me my life, or yours.

As Socrates wrote so long ago,

“Life is short: Play dead!”

Emanuel Pastreich

August 18, 2022